Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Journey from Then to Now

As I sit here looking at Trae, I can't help but think how lucky I am and how much my life has changed in the last few years. Art and I met our first day of college. However, we weren't even friends for a few years after that. I guess I had to do some growing up, and I am SURE he did too. Haha. I remember the process of finding myself and becoming happy with the person I had become. This process was long and painful. It included many ups and downs, giving my heart away far too easily, finding what I thought was fun in all the wrong places, and a terrible fear of being alone. The summer that Art and I started dating, I spent a lot of time listening to my favorite band, The Killers, painting, and smoking cloves on my back porch. Coincidentally, this was also the summer that I decided to buy a ferret... then get rid of a ferret. Friends, don't get a ferret ever. They are evil little animals.

One night I discovered something incredibly crucial. I needed to be content being by myself. I think that I had gotten in such a habit of avoiding my thoughts, that when I was left alone with them, it was really scary. Slowly, I began to work through those thoughts. I settled things with myself, and I settled things with God. It should have gone in the reverse order, with God being first, but I just wasn't there yet. I think that's why my relationship with God is so awesome and special to me now. I ran for a long time, and He was so patient with me. God' love is powerful and His grace is truly amazing (Good thing they wrote the song, eh?). As I sorted out the things in my mind, I came to the conclusion that it was alright to be by myself and that my mind wasn't something to be scared of. It was then that I realized I had been trying to find completeness in so many places, and the only place I would find it was in God.

Ironically, soon after I decided that I was okay with being alone, I found a person who did not complete me at all. Instead, he perfectly complemented me. This person was my wonderful husband, Art. It is hard to believe that one person could be so wonderful, but he really is. I love that man. He is an awesome spiritual leader, he is a provider, he is quickly showing me that he is a great father, and he is my best friend.

Life has a funny way of dealing cards that will bring you to a certain place. A few years ago, I would have never thought I would end up where I am now. I always told my friends that I wanted to wait a long time to get married and an even longer time to have children. I especially never thought that life would take me away from my friends and family and the great state of Oklahoma, but it did. Sometimes I am still trying to figure out why, but I do know that I am happy where life has taken me, and I am one hundred percent sure that this is exactly where God wants me to be.

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