SMILE!

I can't believe how fast Trae is growing. We went to the doctor yesterday, and he is already weighing 9 pounds! That is a far way from the 6 pounds he was at birth and the 5 pounds he was the week after that. I have a hard time believing some babies are born at 9 pounds. I can't imagine getting that out, if you know what I mean. Anyhow, I have been complaining all last week because Trae has been smiling at everything BUT me. He smiles at walls, the ceiling, bright flashing lights, even Art... But, today, it happened! Thanks to my trusty iPhone, I caught it on camera. (See, friends, I can say a FEW positive things about the iPhone.) He is developing a little personality, and I LOVE IT! He is just getting to be so fun. Really, who needs to do housework when you could sit around and watch this baby smile?!

The Journey from Then to Now

As I sit here looking at Trae, I can't help but think how lucky I am and how much my life has changed in the last few years. Art and I met our first day of college. However, we weren't even friends for a few years after that. I guess I had to do some growing up, and I am SURE he did too. Haha. I remember the process of finding myself and becoming happy with the person I had become. This process was long and painful. It included many ups and downs, giving my heart away far too easily, finding what I thought was fun in all the wrong places, and a terrible fear of being alone. The summer that Art and I started dating, I spent a lot of time listening to my favorite band, The Killers, painting, and smoking cloves on my back porch. Coincidentally, this was also the summer that I decided to buy a ferret... then get rid of a ferret. Friends, don't get a ferret ever. They are evil little animals.

One night I discovered something incredibly crucial. I needed to be content being by myself. I think that I had gotten in such a habit of avoiding my thoughts, that when I was left alone with them, it was really scary. Slowly, I began to work through those thoughts. I settled things with myself, and I settled things with God. It should have gone in the reverse order, with God being first, but I just wasn't there yet. I think that's why my relationship with God is so awesome and special to me now. I ran for a long time, and He was so patient with me. God' love is powerful and His grace is truly amazing (Good thing they wrote the song, eh?). As I sorted out the things in my mind, I came to the conclusion that it was alright to be by myself and that my mind wasn't something to be scared of. It was then that I realized I had been trying to find completeness in so many places, and the only place I would find it was in God.

Ironically, soon after I decided that I was okay with being alone, I found a person who did not complete me at all. Instead, he perfectly complemented me. This person was my wonderful husband, Art. It is hard to believe that one person could be so wonderful, but he really is. I love that man. He is an awesome spiritual leader, he is a provider, he is quickly showing me that he is a great father, and he is my best friend.

Life has a funny way of dealing cards that will bring you to a certain place. A few years ago, I would have never thought I would end up where I am now. I always told my friends that I wanted to wait a long time to get married and an even longer time to have children. I especially never thought that life would take me away from my friends and family and the great state of Oklahoma, but it did. Sometimes I am still trying to figure out why, but I do know that I am happy where life has taken me, and I am one hundred percent sure that this is exactly where God wants me to be.

Getting Older and Thoughts of How Things Would Be...

I turned 24 this year. My first thought about that is how close it is to 25 and how once you turn 25, you might as well be 30. 30 terrifies me. Growing up in general scares me. I am not one of those ladies who thinks that their thirties will be the prime of their life. To me, the thirties consist of the beginning of wrinkles and the days that you can no longer get away with wearing fun eyeshadow.

I think I may have started feeling old at 22, but now I feel like I am starting to act the part. You know you are getting older when some of your favorite Christmas presents consist of a recipe book, a password keeper, and a fabulous pink spatula. Okay, I did get a new MacBook Pro and an iPhone for Christmas, so I guess I am still a little bit young, but I sure am enjoying all the useful household items.

When I was growing up, I always imagined the day that I would grow up and have kids. I always thought pregnant ladies looked so cute. There was no way that pregnancy could be full of anything but sunshine and rainbows. I had no idea of all the unpleasant things that went along with it.

This pregnancy was a complete surprise for Art and I. I have to say that I am thrilled to be pregnant. I have been so blessed with a healthy pregnancy and a healthy little baby thus far. That being said, when I found out I was pregnant, I had crazy ideas of how things would be. I would not gain over 20 pounds, and I would for sure not get a stretch mark. To you ladies who go through a pregnancy and achieve that, I have to say that you are a freak of nature and I am jealous. I quickly found out that my thoughts were unrealistic. Pregnancy is uncomfortable and full of added weight, stretch marks, and feeling pretty lousy. I still can't wait for this little baby, though. As for if I would do it again, I don't necessarily want to, but I'm sure I will.

I just might do some work in the baby room today... My countdown tells me I only have 4 weeks and 4 days left until January 31st. At the rate I have been getting things done in there, I better get to work.